Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
