Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
