I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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