I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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