you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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