Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
