Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
