Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
