Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
