I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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