You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
