hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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