I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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