Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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