I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
