I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
