I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
another moral hangover. fuck.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
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Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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