Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
