Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
