Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
