i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
