im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
