I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
