I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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