Sorry, I don't speak sober.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
