3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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