i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize