'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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