Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
