my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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