Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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