if i can run in heels then i can drive
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
