Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
