We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
