am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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