Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
