In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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