Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
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We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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