Are we in a gay sports bar?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
