I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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