I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
