you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize