My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
