I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Holy shit dude........stairs
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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