remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
