i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
