I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
