coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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