that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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