I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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