Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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