Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i would punch a child for taco bell
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
