Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
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