I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
