I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
