have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
