How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
