Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
whose ass print is on the piano?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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