Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
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You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
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My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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