I can't watch pbs sober anymore
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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