I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
