I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
