ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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