Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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