YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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