bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Mom said you looked used
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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