The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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