I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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